good bad and ugly

I only have a little bit, so this one won't be as dragged on as usual :O)

The speaking engagement went much better then I could have imagined. The students were attentive, respectful, interested, and even asked some questions. It was only 45 minutes though, and I didn't have time to do some of the interactive things I really wanted to do with them. Just giving them the run down of my story took a good 20 minutes, then some stats, questions and ding ding - the bell rang and it was over. They even clapped and congratulated me :O) It was just an awesome feeling. My old teacher was also impressed with how well it went, and that made me feel so awesome because he was the one person I was most nervous about sharing my dirty laundry with. I just felt very welcome, and it was awesome. I hope I get to do it again, I'd like a little more time if that happens with the students....and from here on out any invitations I get I will be more then happy to accept :O) I wonder if other then being a CASAC (chemical and substance abuse counselor) if there would be any way I could turn this into a proffession. Not because I want to get paid for sharing my experience, strength and hope with people. I just need a job, and am raising Brian practically as a single parent, and it would just be amazing if I could find a way to take this on head on and survive while doing so, if ya know what I mean?

I've promised to not dwell on Jim as much...but this isn't as much about Jim as it is Brian. This poor little boy is being hurt on a regular basis - and no parent wants to sit back and watch their child hurt...but as of now there is just nothing I can do about it. He'll stare out the windor for a solid hour waiting for that white truck to pull in - sometimes it does, late - sometimes the phone rings instead to cancel. Jim acts like it's ok because he can throw in my face all he wants that Im not working or directly supporting Brian either, financially. But I don't get it, because he IS WORKING, A LOT, he makes decent money, he has perks - and he reminds me all the time of how much he is working....but should I be impressed, should I give two shits, she I just flip out when it's mentioned? BECAUSE all that "HARD" work he tell me about doesn't contribute in the least to Brians caretaking, wellbeing, fun, etc,,,,NOTHING but a possible meal once in awhile, a few random toys that don't serve any purpose other then 5 minutes of excitement...oh wait once a month or so he takes bri to get a happy meal - $4.95 woopie. I don't know I'm just so aggrivated. Plus the extra kick in the teeth was him saying "oh i'm drawing up divorce papers, get ready to sign so we can get this out of the way once and for all." awesome, lets just hurry up as quick as possible to erase our marriage, love it. Maybe he's ready to propose???hmmm

So I don't know, that's just where I am right now. I'm gonna try and write more later when I'm not so negative, because I'm sick of being negative and want to start portraying myself in a more positive light - good thinking brings upon good feelings which brings on good actions....so we'll see