Another one....mostly written by Ellis

Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Ellis
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Life

Ellis died early Monday morning, July 16th 2007. 4 days earlier he wrote his last mass e-mail...I thought the best way to go about explaining things would to be by just simply copying and pasting his own words, and the words of his family.
I know he wouldn't have minded me sharing this with you because he was always very open and sent this to every person in his own ad. book, so it was meant to have been read - and in my opinion to see what true bravery is.


..> Hello everyone,

I thought I would write although not much has changed. I'm just hanging in there as I come closer to God's time. I am a little scared of actually dying, or the process of going through it. Will I wake up tomorrow, which would be nice to a point, because that would be peaceful. I am tired of being so exhausted, just from going from the couch to the recliner, or just repositioning myself on a piece of furniture, I can feel like I just ran a race or something, heart pounding and gasping for air. I know sounds all so morbid, but in fact that is what it is. So when asked how are you doing and I say I'm hanging in there and surviving then that is part of it.

I do enjoy visitors although I often fall a sleep on them if you don't mind neither do I. Its nice to know someone is there and cares enough to come and visit me. Just because I might fall sleep doesn't mean I don't know that you are there. If your lucky I might have a task for you and you can feel useful to give my mother and family a break. I have to say that my mother has been a true blessing to mean pushing through all of this and has been here for 2 months now. I'm not sure how she does it. She sleeps next to me and will help me go to the bathroom to getting me something to eat. She is all ways there. This reminds me of the section of the bible that I am listening too. I am inspired by JOB that all he has been through Job still does not curse down God for allowing Satan to curse him, and seems to have even his friends and wife blame God for all that has happened. Remember our faith is always being tested, I only hope I could live up to a speck of his strength and faith for God and realizes that all that has and is happening are part of God's love and not his wraith. I'm glad to know that all is under His control and not just by chance or by Satan, for that would truly be a nightmare to live through. Ok I'll move on because I know I'm rambling and I am constantly dis-oriented.

I wanted to again thank my family and friends for being there at all times and sacrifice time, home, love, and having no shame as I know longer know what dignity is nor do I care. I am truly blessed to have those that have are willing to be there to hold my hand. All I can ask is for the continued prayers from everyone and ask that they keep coming for at this point that is all we can do at this point. I ask that you pray help me let go from this world so that I can be in true paradise that I can only imagine what it will be like, But I know it will be awesome. My family and friends have been able to let me go, I only wish I knew how to do such a hard task. What is holding me back? I don't know, but it isn't as easy flicking a light switch. So pray that I will be able to let go if that is God's plan and will. If you don't know what to pray for God knows what I need. I'm going to go now thanks for listening and let me assure you that I 'am still here. Thank you everyone for every thing you have done and yet to do. I love you all.
God Bless,
Ellis


We thank you for everything