It's been awhile

Well I haven't logged into or posted on here in what seems like forever, so here we go with a massive catch up, luckily my life isn't too exciting so it won't take too long.

I just got back from having lunch with and reading to Brian's class. Every week one of the kids is the "VSP", Very Special Person, and this is Brian's week. So he get's little priveledges, including a visit from someone to have lunch with him and read a favorite book after lunch, which obviously was me. It's so bizarre going up to my old school, seeing old friends who are now teachers, seeing old teachers who are still teachers, and just being in a building that I once spent so much time in and that is now so foreign. It was nice though, especially because he goes to Jim's after school today. So as far as Brian goes he's doing great. He's adapted so well to school, and being around kids. He's also adjusted well to the time he spends at his dad's...I unfortuently have not. It seems like every day is Wednesday (the day he leaves) and it seems to take forever for it to be Saturday (the day he comes back.) Of course there are perks, like time to do stuff without a 5 year old, time for him to be with his father, etc. I just feel like a part time mom now and that part is hard to get used to...but that's part of having a kid and not being with their dad I suppose and I better get used to it because it'll be like this until Brian's an adult. I just wish Jim were more open to co-parenting with me, but that's hard to do when he can barely stand having a conversation with me.

I'm still working at Andies. Business is super slow this time of year, which means I'm broke...but it'll pick up soon. The restaurant is closing for two weeks in the beginning of Novemember so I better get used to being without money at least until that's over.

Westie got home in the beginning of September. I've seen him a few times, for movie's and stuff like that, which has been really nice. Brian hasn't and won't (anytime that I can forsee) see him...it would just bring up too much stuff, cause too much trouble with Jim, and all around be a bad idea. I know Westie wishes he could see him, as I'm sure Brian would love to see him, but out of respect to Jim, respect for the hell that happened in the past and out of doing all I can do to protect Brian it just isn't a possibilty. But it's nice to know that he's home, safe and sound...not sitting in prison. He's starting out patient and will be on parole for awhile - both of which are good and ensure that he's going the right things. I don't and haven't felt like seeing him or spending any time with him jeopardises me or my recovery in the least so there are no concerns there.

I went to a wedding with Joe last week which was fun...considering the only person there I knew was him. We're probably going to hang out tomorrow night too, which gives me something to do at least one of the night's Brian's gone. We've been hanging out on and off now since last March.

That guy I dated for a short time last spring and I have corresponded a few times recently. He was the guy I dated for about a month last spring...who I met @ Conifer. It's hard because I really cared about him, still do, but he got himself in a little bit of trouble and violated Drug Court (he drank) and is now sitting in Prison. I wish that was the only reason that our relationship was hard and confusing, but of course it's not. He's only 25, and I hate to see someone so young, with so much potential, doing such a great job at screwing up his life. Before he drank he was doing so well, ready to move into his own apartment, almost done with Drug Court, doing lots of meetings, he spoke at the school in Bolton with me, he was working...I really don't think he even drank because he had some overwhelming desire to do so, I think he just got scared getting so close to being on his own for the first time that he subconciously did something to ruin it all. But we'll see what happens...he's not sure when he gets out, and as of now he wants to join the military when he does, just to have the structure and try to correct the behaviours that have gotten him in trouble in the past. I think it would be really go for him. As for now I'll keep my pen to the paper, keep in touch, and hope for the best when he goes get out. I've dated quite a bit in the last year, and hung out with a few different guys during that time, and of course out of them Justin is the one who left the most impression on my heart (sounds so cheesy) and of course he is the most screwed up. I don't know if it's just me, or woman as a whole that end up falling for the ones who are most likely to hurt them in the long run?????? Enough about that.

My parents are doing ok, same ole same ole. No recent trips to the hospital at least so that's a bonus. Mom's getting around better and able to use her arm more since her shoulder surgery a little over a month ago. She'll be rescheduling her trip to Westchester soon I'm assuming, but her Dr's have indicated that there is no huge urgency or rush. I think they just want to get her tested and on the list so when and if she goes into complete liver failure she'll be ready and will have built up time on the list. It's not something you can put off until the last minute for sure.

I'm gonna get going. I have a shit ton of laundry to do! I'm not sure what I'm going to do tonight, I think I'm working tomorrow at 10:30, so I'll probably stay home and in town tonight. Like I said, I'm probably going to hang out with Joe tomorrow...Friday night I usually go to Laura's for Karaoke night with some friends, and Saturday Brian will be home!!! Then Sunday is Halloween, so it'll be fun. Have a great rest of the week everyone, I'll try and write more often!