catch up

I'm sitting here with Rex (the new puppy) under my feet, Brian on the bed behind me playing Mario, a Red Bull to my left and my keyboard front n center...I want to spend some time and really write a blog, something I feel like I haven't done in FOREVER .........but I know that won't be possible - Rex will need to go out, Brian will get bored with Mario, and I'll be snatching the Bull and running around instead within minutes I'm sure. So here is just another quick check in from yours truly, but believe me when I say that I wish I could really "blog."

I'm taking mom to Westchester on the 23rd to the hospital where she could potentially end up having the transplant. This will be the first of many differrent appointments, I'm sure - but it's the first step to getting her on the list officially. So I'll let you all know how that goes. I'd love too bring Brian with us, if Jim allows it ( arg ) I just think he'd get a kick out of the train ride, hotel stay, even the hospital will be big and huge and interesting for a 5 yr old I'm sure. I was pretty in awe when I went through all this with dad at 12 - as history repeats itself we'll see how it plays out this time around.

Works going well. Of course someone already went to my boss, the owner of the restaurant and told them that I'm a junkie, who by the way is still using. She didn't believe the rumor, but it just sucks that I have to deal with it after 15 months .... but it's the price I will pay I suppose. I just wish people would talk about the good things I'm doing instead of assuming once a junkie always a junkie. But it's all good at work, so I'm trying to pretend that didn't even happen because other then that it's been a really good experience thus far. The people I work for are amazing individuals, just a great, hardworking family who I really respect. Hours are great, money is pretty good, so I'm happy.

Brian's all ready for school, I guess as ready as him or I will ever be, lol. At least he has all the school supplies, book bag, clothes, etc - so we're ready in regards to that stuff. I just can't believe he's really starting school! He's still staying with Jim usually 3 nights a week, which I'm still not getting used to. I'd love 2, but for some reason that 3rd night just makes it feel like he's never here, it's hard to explain...but I just hate that I have to share so much of his life. Obviously I'm sharing it with his father who deserves to experience it all as much as I do, it still just is hard. I hate that he has two homes, and I just hate the whole situation...I wish Jim and I had still been madly in love, in a happy relationship, a healthy one - and that we were all together as a family. I 100% know that's not how it was though, I just wish it had been, ya know?

So I am trying Match.Com for ONE month. 1 out of every 5 marriages now stems from an online dating site, crazy huh? Even my Aunt met her husband that way - so I figured I would try it, for one month and see what happens. If at the end of that month I don't even get 1 semi-normal, interesting date out of it then I'll unsubscribe and go back to trying to meet people the old fashioned way, which I don't even know how that is. I don't want to meet a dude at a bar, it's not like dude pick me up while I'm taking their orders at work, and I don't go anywhere else really, so options are limited.......again we'll see. I'm really getting used to the single thing and I'm in no way feeling like I NEED to be with someone at this time, so it's ok I can wait.

Ok it's that time - Brian just turned off the game and said those famous words "MOOOOOOOOOOM come on, lets do something." Can't blame the dude, so I'm off going to try and find something fun to do. That's one positive thing though, since I don't see him 24/7 anymore I don't feel burned out at all in the mom area of my life, so I have more patience, and energy and interest in everything Brian while he's here, so it makes the time he is home with me much more fun and enjoyable - so there's looking at it as the glass is half full ... I can be optimistic at times, lol.